He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
