Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
