nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
