I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
