More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
