Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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