are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize