Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
