I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How's work?
Spinning.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
