it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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