mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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