you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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