im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
