You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
