i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
