Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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