You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
