Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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