The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
