ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
