fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
