She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
