so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
