I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
