It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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