why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
