I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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