we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
