Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
