to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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