distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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