Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
