So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
