I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
