You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
