Don't make out with my wife yet
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
