I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my poor anus
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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