Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Randomize
