Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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