the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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