theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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