Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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