omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
