My underwear smells like fireworks.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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