He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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