is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
