Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
