I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My liver just had a heart attack.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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