I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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