Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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