Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
