you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
