the new term for farting is butt boxing.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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