i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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