Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
