My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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