I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
