you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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