Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
