Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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