Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
