2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
