I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
