Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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