I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
