I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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