i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
