I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
