new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
