so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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