I just made out with a guy for $7.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
