It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
