I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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