ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
