So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize