If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
