I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
