It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize