Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
