Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
