I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
