2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
