I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
