dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
