Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
