He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
