i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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