the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
