They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
