Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
